It's time for me to start writing again.
Just been stuck at a rest stop for a very long time trying to determine whether the hard lessons I've been learning are ok to share or not.
I feel like today is the day to decide if I just stop or go on.
Last night I ran into an acquaintance & in our short visit I told her how I wished I could just have three uninterrupted hours to really work on a house plan. It's killing me that we haven't even got that far with the new house.
Last night, my car started having trouble. This morning it decided to get stuck in park - until the tow truck driver tried backing it out of the garage. Then it changed gears just fine. I took it in and hopefully it can be fixed - for not too much $.
The teacher I work with texted that she had a fever today and would not be coming in.
So, I asked if I she would mind if I just worked on getting my issues fixed today & she said that was fine.
I didn't realize I had so many issues.
The last year has really been hard.
Every time I think I've got things cleared up, something new pops up.
I had a little break down when I finally go back home.
Because- a little boy (j's age) in one of my school groups died (the same weekend anniversary of the time we almost lost j) and I've held it together pretty good so far
Because- my mr. is having to hard things for church that make me worried for him and he's got new responsibilities at work and I worry that he's ok
Because- miss s called and said, "I'm going to say to you what you would say to me - did you exercise today?" and the answer was no.
Because- we are over scheduled and I am really worried about Saturday
Because- I read this - particularly #3 decide & #7
So
I need to decide
get off the road or get up and grow.
It took me an hour or two to realize what a gift the car problem is.
Someone heard my heart
and I am grateful.
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I can imagine how you are feeling. I have (or have had) many of the same issues you describe. My family is younger than yours, but all that really means is there is so much to look forward to (and worry about). It is so easy to feel "picked on" One year ago today, my dad died of cancer. It's not fair. But, on the other hand, I also got to spend 36 wonderful years with him. I have wonderful memories. All my children got to spend quality time with him, and above all, "This too shall pass"
ReplyDeleteGood luck and keep your chin up!
I love it when you write. It always gives me something to ponder and at times, when appropriate a good laugh. You have had a extremely busy year and then I look at the weather you have to deal with and the added stress that would be. I am sorry for the loss of the little boy in your school group and OMG I had no idea you almost lost J. How did I miss that? I hope writing all this out was a healing start for you and I hope you can take a deep breath and just let some of it go. You have always amazed me!
ReplyDeleteGeoff - thanks for you kind words! I can just imagine the fun you are going to have with those precious spitfire children of yours! And yes, I do keep reminding myself that someday I will have plenty of time of my own & that I really need to relish the time I have now with these people I love so much! So glad to know you know the great plan of salvation & that you'll get to be with your dad again. {{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteShari - thank you for your kind words to. You probably don't know how much they mean to me! You're such a dear friend. J- I've ever said much about it. That was in the days before facebook & blogging for me. It was horrible and beautiful. I will probably write it out someday. And yes- I will take some deep breaths. I keep trying to do that and new "things" just keep popping up - so I think I will take a deep breath with some combat boots on and just squash the next "thing" or let it pass me by :). {{{hugs}}} to you too!!!