I am sick.

Picture from here.

There's also an article on how to outsmart the flu at that link.

I don't get sick.

I've been able to say that to myself for quite sometime now.

But, not yesterday and today.

I grew up in a "get up, get dressed, and lets see how you are doing then" kind of a house.  Well, by the time I was up and dressed, I usually was well enough to handle a day.

Not yesterday.

Not today.

I am fairing quite well, but it's almost noon and I am still in my pajamas and that scares me.

It scares me because for so many years, I did wake up, get myself together & go on with life.

But I wasn't healthy.

Days like today make me fear regression.

I will not go back.

It's taken me four long years to get to the point I'm at and I will not go back.

Staying in my pajamas and allowing myself to feel the haze that comes with illness is a very scary thing to me.

It feels like the days when all I could do was care for one of my babies and sit on the couch.

Sometimes I would do laundry.  It would be clean, in a pile.

Sometimes I would cook.  It wouldn't be much.

I would tell myself, "They are safe, they are fed, they are clothed in clean clothing.  It is all you can do right now and it is ok."

I never had an official diagnosis.

But looking back on it, I was very sick.

But I came out of it.

Thank goodness.

Looking back on it, I thought I was just tired. I was wrong.

If I were to go about it again, I would quit trying to be brave and confess and get some help.

And now I am off to snuggle someone on the couch, take care of myself, and heal.
Thank goodness it's just a cold.